I want to be alone
There are definite times when this Garboesque remark comes to mind. Young parents like to visit the bathroom by themselves without the whining of kids or scratching of dogs outside the door. Sad times call out for the need to help one work through trauma. After hearing hurtful words, access is often denied to everyone in order to gain a better foothold. Aloneness has real work to do.
Loneliness is not the same
We often believe that too much time on one’s own can result in loneliness. It aches for human interaction and feels like isolation. Sometimes it is covered with a brave façade but it isn’t kind and it can’t always be seen. I know that I can spiral into a physical longing that makes me actually push others away to prove that they aren’t needed because they missed their chance previously. But they didn’t know my timetable and were watching their own clocks.
The cure
Somewhere between being alone and being lonely is the land of choice. This land requires interaction and communication. It is difficult to tread because we don’t know to go there. But one can choose to be in one place or another solely based on speaking to the need. Piping up works instead of hiding out. Feelings that live deeply inside of us are also deeply connected to the ways we have always thought of them. It’s not their fault. But they can move if you help them.
First, don’t judge
When you are feeling lonely based on a long-held belief or thought, question it. It may have been put in that place long ago by someone who had that same feeling and wanted you to have it. But you don’t have to accept everyone’s unwanted feelings. You can have your own. You can use your own thoughts to change the channel and move yourself to seeing the opportunity that being alone brings along. It is an experience we do want from time to time. You just have to do the choosing. Make it a choice. If that is all straight, I’ve gotta go now; I want to be alone.
Loneliness can be seen as a weakness but it is just a poor cousin to being alone. Can you think of deliberate ways to enjoy being alone? Are you comfortable with just yourself for company?
