Arguments can waste time
Looking back at my past, I can remember having arguments with myself repeatedly about things that had already happened. Real disagreements about how I mishandled something or how I could have said or did something differently. They always felt like improvements for my side of the story. I wasn’t quick or clever enough in the heat of the moment to provide the answer with just the right impact. I didn’t have the upper hand.
Arguments don’t solve for x
The part of my side of the debate that was missing was late showing up but always made up for its tardiness by being the perfect rejoinder. Since everything in life is math or science, this x factor was now useless. The argument was over, with the exception of its continuing life in my brain. It was still wasting time. Of course, this reenactment of the original argument occurred more often when I felt that I had lost the argument. My thoughts are more satisfying when I feel “right.”
Forget about it
I don’t really want to relitigate my past. But like most humans, I like to be recognized as superior. It “feels” better because my thoughts tell me that it is better. I just need to adjust some thoughts. When checking my brain after an argument, could I stop and review to see where I could have changed course? I like being correct and this would still make me “feel” right. Even better, maybe I could determine a way to stop arguing the past over and over. It really is the past. There was nothing I could do to change it now except think a different thought about it. I could give away my search for the x factor.
Disagreements can be discussions
Ultimately, learning how to discuss my thoughts with myself works great. I can learn from myself, appreciate my own growth in responses, feel “right” about it and still let the past stay in the past. My current time use isn’t sacrificed for the past, groundhog day style. Once the loop is broken, the future appears.
How much time can you ruminate over an argument? Does it ever solve anything? Can you change your thoughts about what the past means right now?
