It’s a simple rule of the road: it’s safer to steer correctly when you adopt the right position. I’ve never been particularly good at backing up in any vehicle. The whole turning your head move with one hand on the wheel while leveraging the other hand against the back of the passenger seat always made me feel like a contortionist. Using the rearview mirror offered only a partial view and increased the chances for error. Backup cameras increased my ability to complete the maneuver with more accuracy, but the knot in the pit of my stomach never completely disappeared. I was meant to face forward.
There are multiple ways to see yourself in relation to those around you. Those with the most optimistic outlooks think of themselves as valuable. They see the best more easily and know that they have to put themselves first in order to be ready to care for others. Their thoughts involve those around them and how to identify what is in their best interest. They move through tasks simply and appreciate it when others do also. From this position, it is easy to feel gratitude and enjoy life. “Firsters” create time for their own projects, maintain routines that keep them healthier and make space to interact with those in their wide circle. They live at the highest possible level as much as possible without apology.
In second position are those who see themselves as always in the right and find fault with almost everyone else. They can seem excessively critical and not positive. They have lofty feelings about their own value or be dismissive, allowing them not to consider the value of anyone. These crusaders rail against people, situations, and circumstances and create a lot of trash to get attention. They want to remove anyone who is in their way or blame them for a circumstance they don’t like. Second position players don’t keep long-term relationships and don’t like needing people. Their actions are aggressive at times due to their fear. Time is easily spent but not well spent, and they may be very lonely. A satisfactory feeling for them is difficult.
Escape artists have a completely different perspective. Those who lack personal value don’t enjoy being alone with themselves. Running away is the normal position. It can serve as a copout to avoid being responsible. There is a great deal of self-shame that requires holding back emotions. Boredom and embarrassment are often default modes. This lack of excitement lends itself to the point of sadness or depression. That victim mentality shows on their faces and in sarcastic remarks. A sense of “this too shall pass” provides a way to measure life. Often, their mutually negative relationships create their own environment. They promote passive-aggressive statements disguised as flattery to get along. They don’t really fool anyone except themselves. They don’t want to be partners, follow rules, or move ahead because they think it implies neediness. The victim likes to hear empathy and is resentful at the same time because they can’t admit that your opinion is worth hearing. They think they can only help themselves and don’t need anyone else. Emotionally, this position isn’t looking anywhere and doesn’t mind withdrawing into their own corner. They will insist that they are better off alone.
What seat are you driving from? It’s your life, and you can change your thoughts at any time to reflect a new view. Does your fear keep you from letting others into your life because you can’t accept that it is so much better to have someone than not have someone? Can you control the rebel in you well enough to understand that it is not being a rebel that is right but rebelling against the parts of you that keep you in that corner?
