Just Blurt it Out
When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I tried my best not to shock people that I had to inform. Family and friends were first and handled the news without exposing their fears in those early discussions. They mostly listened and took in the news. We all know that there is massive fear integrated into illness especially when it strikes closely. At work, when I told a manager, he didn’t even pause to breathe before he started to respond with affirmations about how strong I was and followed up with a story about someone in his family who had quickly gotten over her cancer. Spoiler alert: no one needs that kind of pressure. There was no me anywhere in the reaction. I just sat there wondering what planet I had landed on. Later he admitted that he thought I was resigning and that frightened him. Most of the others I had to tell asked about me and what was going to happen next and attempted to remain on the subject. Some used elegantly styled questions to let me know they were engaged in what was on my mind. It is astounding how particularly great or bad some humans can be at being human. Toxic positivity never cured anyone. Those who remained dismissively silent or moved on to the next subject were way too busy with their own scary minds. I get that.
Pause before you Blurt
This may be difficult to do but is a must in many situations. When hearing something that your brain finds shocking or unsafe to you, take a pause. If there is no fire or danger directly in front of you, take a mental step back. It might help even more to take a long pause to collect yourself. You can always allow someone else to fill the pause as humans do easily. Or you can ask for more information before providing your remarkably unresearched reply. Or you can just be a human and be really there. A best practice is to memorize this statement: Thank you for sharing this with me. I don’t have any advice for you, but I want to listen and learn. This kind of reply works wonders in many situations.
Blurts don’t become slogans
Due to the nature of the lack of thought that goes into them, the stuff we blurt out at sporting events, at concerts, during arguments and as attempts to sway other humans to do what we want does not sound pithy or thoughtful. I can think of many insane things I stated as fact to my children when they were little. I am grateful they did not keep track or write them in a notebook for later review. And I am grateful that they were able to laugh at some of them. And I am super grateful I stopped blurting out stuff over time. I haven’t been to a professional sports event for a while but yelling at the television doesn’t have the same visceral feeling.
Blurts of Love
The best blurting is found in rom-coms and holiday movies. Although I have rarely seen it in real life, running after a car and blurting out words of love is frequently shown in movies. It kinda makes you wish they had just told the person when they were inside of the warm house near the roaring fire instead of waiting until they were halfway down a snowy drive. But I am squarely in support of blurting out tenderness on any occasion. You can blurt out anything pleasant to a stranger and make their day. Blurting out goodness doesn’t mean loud, it just means real. In fact, it might be great to start doing that more often. I can’t wait to stand on my porch and loudly send my thanks to the next hardworking delivery driver who comes by. That will be memorable in a good way.
How can you make your blurting sound less unprepared? What would be a benefit of blurting out compliments? Can you recognize when your brain is blurting out self-thoughts?
