Eliminate what is impossible.
Can’t Do Anything About It
Grab the notebook. There is a hidden list that it’s time to work on. It’s all those things that will never make the to-do list. This particular list of nevers comes from a multitude of sources. Some of the things on this list don’t meet the criteria of wishes or desires or they aren’t possible because they don’t make sense, or they fit into the ain’t gonna happen box. The better you know yourself, the longer this list looks. The whole world seems possible when you are young, and that specific message is plastered in books and on posters or is told and retold by family members who want to live through you. Nope. Not my thing.
Don’t Want to Do It
This kind of thought comes up every day. Even as a toddler, you may have removed all your clothes and danced around in your nappies to the laughter of family members. You just didn’t want to wear anything. If you did that today, your family members would be appalled. We haven’t normalized nakedness to an acceptable degree. But if there are a lot of stories about you running around sans clothes in your youth, you may want to explore why with your therapist or coach. It sounds intriguing. Mostly, there are tasks that we just feel don’t meet how we see ourselves. You can start with your wardrobe. You have probably chosen the attire you wear in your free time. You are messaging your social circle. Check the color variations, style type, consistency to dress on trend or general similarity to what you think is expected of you. This includes your love of quirky hats, designer jewelry, expensive sneakers and the number of coats you can wear in a month without repeating. It can be difficult to keep up with at times. But if you see yourself as a jeans and t-shirt person, everyone knows how you will show up on Saturday.
Seriously, Just No
This list can tell more about you when you expand its parameters. If you know that you would never live in a condo, buy a fancy off-road vehicle, bake a cake for a local fund drive or have more than one child, put that on the list. The things you choose not to do in life have as much influence as the ones you yearn for. We are taught to notice what is right in front of us. This helps us to look at what we turn down. This can be a stressful job, an early possible partner, someone who smokes or a choice of hobby or sport. It’s good to examine why you went out for track instead of volleyball. The influences on what we turn down are just as powerful as our choices for what we desire. The ideal in our head might have been selected for us subliminally many years ago. It might feel like an easy choice now, but you might not know why. The trick is figuring out the why.
Maybe Just Once
These selections can be on the list for good reason. Getting to know what sparks joy isn’t always easy. Trying out a variety of activities provides some basis for a good decision. Look at your list. When you start to note next to some selections why, it becomes apparent how your heart is headed. Clearing out the stuff that you never have to think about again can be freeing. You might even be tempted to dip a toe back into something you tried before. Just because you weren’t a great writer in third grade doesn’t mean that you aren’t now. Maybe you miss riding your bike and ringing the bell. Maybe it’s time to start picking out clothes that fit your new style. Updating you requires a second look at the nevers. Maybe you didn’t mean it the first time.
This time: Is your notebook starting to speak back to you? Are you learning to look at your life from different angles? Seriously, are there a lot of nevers that you can just give up on now?
