Time to get clear about what you really want. First, list what you don’t.
Uncertain Certainty
Confidence is slippery. There are mornings when it is easier to determine what the day will bring, and confidence is high. Even when things don’t completely align with this initial thought, by the end of the day there isn’t any feeling that confidence missed the mark. We usually point out some uncertain circumstances that showed up to topple the cart. It’s like going to a party with the thought that it will be fun because you know a couple of the people also going. You count on them to be your buoys if you get lost at sea. And then they don’t show up. Reverting back to uncertainty takes a micro-second.
Past Certainty
You know the old adage about death and taxes. There are still some folks who don’t pay taxes. If the only certainty is actually an end to life, that means that everything else counts. It’s time to look at what to include in your dream future by listing what you don’t want. These are your life boundaries. This is a notebook mandatory month. It can double as your idea catcher. These are your life boundaries. You can certainly list world poverty and war, but it is more important to list those daily annoyances first to free up the time to work on the world issues. You can be certain that you don’t want to live in a cold climate, work in a small company without opportunities, marry a couple of times because you like a good party, have lots of friends who are artists, eat vegan on Tuesdays, or any number of choices. You are determining what to include and what to exclude. The excluding list may be easier to write. You may be certain of things that brought you distress earlier in life. Bravo! That helps you confidently include the inclusive variety of events.
Bucket Life
It is fun to create bucket lists based on places you want to see in a lifetime. Personally, I want to see Denali before I leave this earth. It is difficult to know why certain places grab our attention. But bucket lists still have that pre-death aura attached. You don’t have to wait that long to enjoy life. Please don’t wait that long to enjoy life. Your personal bucket list might include long-term and short-term wishes. You might want to learn how to brew a good beer, or really know how to dance, fly a kite at sundown on a beach, or write a novel. All possible. So why haven’t they already been done? Is it our confidence that tells us we have plenty of time to accomplish these things or is there a trap that keeps life small and manageable? With your eyes closed and your hand on your heart, ask yourself. What the heck am I waiting for? If it is confidence, you have to let whatever you have in the storage locker out. The only way to build confidence is to take baby steps towards a desire. The step creates dopamine in your brain. The good feeling in your brain tells you to take another step. The next step increases the confidence. Once you have moved ten feet forward, you are on your way. Confidence is self-supplied.
Clarity builds Confidence
The more clearly you see yourself and what you want in life, the faster your competence increases your confidence. When you can see clearly, it is a pleasure to track. Make the list of non-desires. Work on getting rid of one. See how counter-intuitively you have the skills to build up your own confident self. Remember to eliminate the stuff that sucks wherever you can. We all have ten minutes of quiet time that does not include scrolling and streaming but does include tapping into an inner world and this skill is golden. Ponder this fact. Many people are competent but choose not to be capable. The action of taking a step is missing. You can know what to do and still not do something for yourself. Close your eyes, breathe and consider why. Meeting the agendas of everyone else does not build up confidence. And it keeps others from building up their own levels. Don’t blame others for holding you back when it is really your choice.
Time to move? Where can you take one step to start the confidence meter? You are responsible for building your own skills. What are you waiting on? Being competent is nice but not enough; be capable and prove it to yourself. Take a step.
