Conversation Starters
Most people love to talk and tell their own stories. You know how this works. You mention that you once tasted a pizza from a particular place and the person you are talking to starts to tell you about where to get the best pizza. Or you are scrolling through the millions of choices of programs to watch and everyone present decides to tell you how good the ones you are skipping are. My favorite unexpected stories come from cashiers who pick up an item to swipe it for a price and they stop to tell you what they would make with it. Everybody has a story to tell. We can easily provide a point of view when we choose to.
Tell Me Again
Toddlers and little children have a lot to share. Sometimes the stories don’t make sense to us or go on so long that we get lost in how the whole conversation started. They are practicing interactions and it is critical to give these time and space. We want them to grow up and feel like someone is listening. If you practice asking them to tell you the story again, you might even get the next version of it. Immediate improvement.
Don’t Tell Me
These are words rarely spoken because they usually mean something bad has happened. Difficult conversations have telltale signs that you should be aware of. Look for wavering voices, hard swallows and quivering lips. Our bodies are physically affected without our even trying to be dramatic. These noticeable signs warrant a slowing down, sometimes a sitting down and maybe even a glass of water to collect for a moment. Don’t rush. When you know that something bad is coming, there is no need to run toward the fire. Be the grown-up and wait. But be sure to have the conversation. The very act of getting difficult statements out is very important. There can’t be healing without hearing.
No Time Like Now
If there is one certainty, it is that important and even challenging conversations don’t get better with time. Ignoring may seem easier in the moment, but you know that time doesn’t make the truth less difficult to face. In fact, safety only comes from getting it out there in the open where conversations are supposed to be. It is a story that needs to be told. If you can start by having some less consequential discussions as practice and listen like everyone is a toddler, you will provide that space that we all need to get better at telling our tales. There may be less drama and there may be an increase in the feeling that everything will be alright. Use every now you have to make the future have better stories to tell.
Is it safe for you to tell your story to those in your world? Can you hold a wide open space for others to tell their tale without you having to add yours? Can you be satisfied just listening?
