Giving in Balance
We like to notice imbalances in giving and receiving. It’s part of our natural ability to measure and compare. It’s not a big problem until it leads to thoughts about selfishness or envy. Once the pattern is noticed, it is possible to claim the issue and straighten out the differences. Our willingness to give is usually dependent on a variety of elements from our childhood experiences that became ingrained. If you have thoughts that you don’t get what you deserve often, your needs might not have been met in a safe and secure way and you just got used to seeing things that way.
Relationship Giving
You have probably realized by now that your needs are distinctly yours. You may start out by thinking that everyone has the same needs but the first few times you realize that you would never be satisfied with what someone else has to offer, you have been given a gift. Through gifting, we are able to try on the skill of receipt patterns. What makes one person satisfied with what they are given may not match your idea of adequacy. There are no incorrect answers here. Only clarity inducing results.
Rules for Giving
You may not know it but you have rules about giving. Let’s pretend that it’s you best friend’s birthday and you are bringing a gift. You may not know exactly what to purchase but I bet you have some ideas about the kind of gift it will be and how much they will like it. You have predetermined thoughts based on experience. And you also have some of your own feelings about giving leftover from past experiences of your own that may influence your choice. In the end, the gift will be a mix of feelings from past inputs and the output you want to get from your friend. It might be better to give up and get that gift card.
Locational Giving
Sharing thoughts, like gifts, at work is complicated by all of the social and environmental influences of the setting. Having the capacity to give your real and honest idea means opening yourself up to judgement. The distinct form used to share gifts in a work setting are based on the relationships and depth of interactions of you with your peers. The very place you spend the bulk of your time may be the very place you really know people the least. When that is the case, the armor is usually to blame. It’s really hard to get close to those ready for battle. It’s a little worse when your colleagues are wearing their comfiest clothes as a disguise because they just don’t give a damn about how they show up.
Give where you can
The best way to become better at giving is to examine your output. There are so many ways to exchange gifts – time, money, affection, strategy, memories, energy, interest – that there is at least one you can choose to improve. If you can divest yourself of your feelings about giving and focus more on the actual act of giving, there is a great chance that your choice will improve just because your thoughts about making that choice improved. As a result, the gift will increase the depth of the relationship with another and the one you have with your subconscious giver.
Can you give something away without attaching too much thought to it? What thought does selecting a gift bring out in you? What is the best gift you have ever received?
