Never is Forever
All or nothing decisions seem easy because there are so few choices. Many of us are well conditioned to use this type of resolution thinking that it is simple and effective. And it does work in many instances. For those who like to make fast decisions, it becomes a go-to method elegantly allowing you to feel like you are adept at judgments. If I tell myself that I never have to do something, it removes any work involved. If I understand that I will always do something else in every situation, it seems effortless. That binds both never and always to forever.
Well I Never
Decisions provide relief. When I hear my mind tell me “I’ll never be able to do this,” I am shutting down the need to think further because never is a super long time. This type of statement crops up in many instances in life starting in school. Homework assignments overwhelmed us in elementary school, but we managed to get through it. The stress on high schoolers is well known due to their need to be in the best clubs, get the best grades and develop themselves into the best humans to do well in college. When students get to college, they realize that they are surrounded by lots of others who also met those metrics. The goal for best inched up some. Just when you think it is safe not to have to make a decision, you have to make one. It is pretty easy to think negatively and think that it can’t be done.
Always Overwhelmed
Always has the same issues although we think that it is more positive. Always helps with routines and other good habits. Always means that something gets done without ever having to think. When always is used as an adjective, it notes goodness. Until it is paired with something over the top and then it seems a little too much. It becomes strident and uncooperative. If you always stop to have a cup of coffee in the morning, the body responds by rewarding you with a liquid energy boost. If you always practice the piano at 6:30, you will be rewarded by getting better. If you go for a run once a week with friends, you may put more effort into it because it is regularly delightful. Any behavior that gets a reward is more likely to get repeated. On the other side, I know what is going to happen when I hear that I will never be able to do something. I may start to believe that I really can’t choose to do something. It’s almost like some of my choice disappeared.
Never Done
When the feeling that I can’t do something crops up in my brain, it is better to stop and ask myself why. That simple extra question upsets my brain but starts me on a better road to see if it is true. Eventually, I may decide that there should be a lot less nevers. When I really review the facts about whether I can or cannot do something, it gives me more chances to choose. If the emotion that arrives with the statement is frustration, I know that I have some work to do to uncover more about my feelings. Knowing what I can’t get done is useful information but understanding why is more important. Ultimately, it is better to have lots of ways to make decisions. That is always good and never bad. Just right.
Why would I get the crazy idea that I couldn’t do something? Is it better to abandon a decision or look for ways to do everything? Does thinking less often help the brain?
