Relation Ship
Humans need connection. How we make these connections can be varied. And when we get desperate, the methods take on a whole new level of wacky. Baby humans cry to get attention and often get some connection points from their daily care. Babies are cute in order to mitigate all of that upkeep they require. Toddlers can get attention many ways and it is surprising that no one really needs to tell them how. Their observation powers are so strong that they know how to push emotional buttons without a user’s manual. When that doesn’t work, they just head toward some material thing you really like and destroy it. It teaches the adults to respond quicker.
Relationship Focus
Adults need to take some direction from kids in kindergarten. Young children will often just cruise up next to another child and stand side by side to signal interest. Eventually, they determine whether it is alright to join in and take a chance to play along. This might be rejected or accepted depending on the circumstances. It is important to note that the child trying to join in doesn’t seem to have any negative self-talk trying to talk them out of the mission. Their self-talker doesn’t have enough content to stop the attempt. If adults adopted this habit, they might make acquaintances more easily. But we fear rejection based on a prior event. Even when we don’t know the outcome of a possible effort, we shut it down by focusing on something that happened previously. Taking a step to another vantage point increases the chances of going through with the task because there is a hope that the outcome will be more pleasant. Moving forward with reduced expectations is one way of taking a proverbial baby step.
Casual Start
If you want or need more connections, make them. They aren’t lining up outside your door waiting for you to come out and play. Start with acquaintances. To get someone to this point, you just have to say hello. Humans respond and let you know pretty quickly if they are open to more chatter. The beauty of this program is that you never know when it is going to work. It’s a mystery every time. For example, I once noticed a new woman walking in our neighborhood with three children. The children were similar ages to mine. Bingo! A new opportunity to make a friend and have more playmates for my kids. I walked to where I would be able to say hello more casually. The entire opening conversation was just a greeting and the common stating of our names. We stood and chatted more while the kids did their getting-to-know-you-thing. She was super pleasant, and I was putting out my best vibes without seeming too needy. We got to a normal stopping place, and she continued her walk. By that point, I knew where she lived, and it was just around the corner. A few minutes later, I answered the door to find one of our new young friends handing me a small slip of paper. On it, my new acquaintance had written her name and phone number. She took that big next step. We were friends for years.
Friendly Action
It just takes one person taking one step. What do we really have to lose? Making more connections is worth every dangerous effort. The worst that could happen is that someone might not respond to you. The many other alternative scenarios include having a quick conversation, taking the time to appreciate someone you see regularly but don’t know yet, actually leaning into seeing if someone wants to make a better connection or even finding a new deeper friend. If there is someone you have remained on the acquaintance level with for some time and want to get to know better, take two minutes to see if they are willing to accept connection with you. You won’t regret trying because it just makes it easier for you to repeat it again. So, to start, tell me something about you that I don’t know yet. I am ready to spill some tea.
Are you ready to just reach out first? If you offer someone a smile and they smile back, can you accept that as a sign to say hello? Are you willing to take a chance to make the relationship that you are really searching for?
