It may sound counterintuitive, but it is really unselfish to act selfishly sometimes. Let’s talk science. Much of scientific research on resilience, or how we react to adversity, has demonstrated that giving support to others has a significant positive impact on our own sense of wellness. Generosity is a medication that doesn’t require a prescription. It doesn’t have to have a cost either most of the time.
Building strong and steady relationships with family and friends strengthens the resilience of the brain, which helps individuals “see” a crisis as a challenge instead of as an insurmountable problem. Resilience creates pathways that increase the ability to take decisive action and decrease the chances that issues will be ignored. It’s harder to take down a strong brain with the struggles of life.
Most people know that volunteering or donating even a small amount of money releases feel-good chemicals and provides self-satisfaction. Do-gooders often have lower stress hormones and develop a more optimistic outlook. The opposite occurs when we walk past someone in need. We actually “feel” the difference.
At this point, it may seem difficult to give support from a distance. Obviously donating funds is still an option but only if you feel safe enough about your financial situation to do so. That is reasonable. But there are other ways to contribute and they all involve giving something of yourself. Reaching out to family and friends is often cited as a means of generosity. But it doesn’t do any good until you actually do it. Caring for others in your own location can provide a lot of good feelings. Surprising someone with your goodwill boosts both involved. Small acts are just as important as large ones. All giving feeds our need to belong. Purposeful actions protect us from stress and keep our thoughts on foreboding good and not looking out for the “next shoe to drop.” We can’t all tackle the big social structures but helping a neighbor is possible.
Reaching out to just listen is a very acceptable way to be selfish. You don’t have to solve anything, you just have to sit back and make the other person feel like what they are saying is being heard and felt. It is an act of love to sit quietly and just listen. It doesn’t happen enough and it very valuable, maybe now more than ever. We often feel as if we are better at giving advice that taking it; hearing someone else out doesn’t require any answers.
So be selfishly unselfish. It will do you and the world good.
Could your purpose be rooted in listening instead of doing? Are you able to be selfish enough to increase your own resilience?
