What did you say?
Words have Feelings
Our first topic this month in self-coaching is something we use every day. Our words. This is an easy place to start because we all have experience using our words. In fact, we often admonish children to use their words when they get upset and their feelings take over. The strange part is the knowledge that the feelings are just as valuable as the words. It is easy to see what the child is trying to communicate. Our words have feelings. I bet you haven’t thought about that very often. But you have experienced it. You have felt hurt from feelings. You have felt joy from words. You have probably felt many feelings from words. This really helps you decide more carefully on which words you want to use.
Smart Words
People can appear clever through their quick answers. Those who appear wise ask deep questions. Does this make the words smart or the speaker smarter? That’s impossible to tell. This month, listen to your words. This probably isn’t a normal habit. Words just spill out mostly because we use the same ones most of the time. Think about the last time you learned a new word. If you want to improve your vocabulary or build some new brain cells, this is the place to start. But what I want you to notice is what happens when you speak these oft-reported words. Are you making an impact with your words? Watch and notice who listens to you and who appears not to. This is where you need to begin to change your communication skills. This is how you self-advise.
Self-Talk
You have probably heard some version of this since it’s a popular subject. The words that you hear in your head are not necessarily yours. So, who do they belong to? They reside in your subconscious brain. They may have been placed there in your youth, they may have been placed there in school or church, they may have been given to you by someone you trust, or you may have just accepted them all by yourself. There is a simple test to use to understand whether they are true. The simplicity of this self-coaching technique cannot be understated. When you think any thought, ask it “Is this true” and listen for the answer. Then, ask again more slowly. The first responses we think of are often based on thoughts that are very ingrained and may be false. There is a lot of junk in your subconscious that is actually trash talk. Just because it is in your brain doesn’t make it right. In fact, you probably have noticed the thoughts of many people that you know are pure crap. So, accept that there is trash in your brain also. When you ask yourself about the truthfulness of a thought at any time, stop and listen for the real answer. Do you see how valid the pause is in this instance? It breaks the process to help get to the actual truth.
Now What
Sometimes it is fun to listen to the junk in your own head once you have accepted that it may be untrue. This accounts for many of our ingrained feelings. Do you see where this is going? Once you realize that you are working with false feelings based on false words in your head, your life feels made-up. This can be startling. This is when you pay even more attention to what words come up in your brain. You should be examining these so carefully that you recognize what words need to stay and which need to be removed. This is your month to clean your brain. If you do this every day, you will notice that you speak less and notice the words that appear in your brain more. If you want to really think about the words your subconscious is offering, use your strategy to pause, hand on heart, breathing with eyes closed. Add your untrue words and phrases to your notebook. This will eventually accumulate and help you see where the landmines were originally buried. Once you understand the power of your words, you won’t just say any old thing.
What was the first word you heard in your brain today? What are the automatic words that you hear over and over? Can you feel your brain gain space as you clean out the trash?
