Normalize the Apology
Apologies are a principal vehicle for truthful speech. Or at least they should be. Being honest with ourselves and with others about something painful or disappointing requires sensitivity and quiet strength. It seems like a good idea to lower the volume at these times, speak with care and watch for effect. It is best to start out with a truthful confession without omitting anything. Leaving hard stuff out seems deceitful later. And you might as well let it all hang out at that point. Start over cleanly.
Apology Creep
Hold off on making excuses for behavior. They might be valid but don’t let them creep into your delivery as a means of providing a reason for why something happened. It is really alright for you to be imperfect and when you lower your defenses, you open yourself up to a closer relationship. We tend to put a lid on our own emotions when disturbing news is shared. Providing reasons for why it happened doesn’t help at this point in the process. It does not matter.
The Gift of Apology
Letting someone know of an error is a gift. You are able to demonstrate your humanness and reveal something new, something more authentic. Handing someone a gift is usually a chance to show appreciation and so is sharing an apology. You wouldn’t be going to this level if the receiver wasn’t important to you. You want to receive a gift of forgiveness. Reticence does not lead to understanding. Embarrassment does not lead to a satisfactory judgment. The playing field should be level for all involved to find closure.
Strong Apology
The strength of an apology provides more relief. As in many choices in life, a light touch bestows better pressure. Truth-telling can be a way of being kind to others and ourselves. Lies can be harmful and reduce connections. If you think that your relationship does not warrant your usefulness as a source of consolation, think again. Humans can do many things. It is understandable not to want to hurt another but it is not good to hold another at arm’s length when you can provide comfort. Lean in and apologize.
Can you pause prior to apologizing long enough to thoughtfully provide the right words? How do you feel when providing the gift of forgiveness? Do your best apologies give something to you in return?
