The smaller conference room held a table that fit into it if you only took into consideration actual feet and inches. The company supplied standard large rolling chairs that looked like small black thrones. Too many were shoved around the table and the arms never fit comfortably underneath. The room looked very official without people.
When meetings were scheduled for that room, if you did not arrive early enough you had to play a courtesy game allowing someone else to move away from the table so that you could slide your chair out and in also. Once in, everyone was trapped too closely to spread out laptops without feeling funny about your neighbor looking at your background. Personal space was assaulted at every turn. Even without a virus, it was uncomfortable.
Luckily, the higher-up managers liked to congregate at one end of the table; there was some safety in numbers. Or they didn’t want to sit amongst the lower-ranking employees. After insuring our physical discomfort, meetings often regularly included one manager whose inappropriate response to almost everything bulldozed the topics. She had developed a world-class eye roll and the ability to provide a sarcastic answer for every question. Everyone gave her a wide berth because they did not want to be her target. Her immaturity might catch up some day, but it wasn’t going to be soon. Her behavior stifled the thoughts of many others who did not want to brainstorm around her passive-aggressive brilliance. The sad part was her own ideas were mostly lame. Too many brain cells were used on offense. Her awkwardness stifled everyone’s creativity.
Ironically, allowing deliberate awkwardness opens up a space for empathetic imperfection. More responses to concerns follow when there has been a change in the openness of a group. It’s just the perception that changes the atmosphere but it still happens. Even with the insecure manager in the meeting, everyone could have still offered something, especially if they didn’t mind her expected remarks. In fact, it could be interesting to challenge her ability to dismiss many new ideas. Eventually, the repetition might spotlight her to a degree even she wouldn’t be able to keep up. Or if we had met in a room with a table that was large enough to make us all comfortable, it might have been possible for another manager to encourage a more positive atmosphere. But no one ever did; they just allowed the behavior. They probably thought they were keeping the peace with their office partners.
When I want to shake perceptions, I know that I can hold back my fear of embarrassment and take a vulnerable step. Usually this involves admitting to not knowing something. It’s a wondrous surprise to others because I tend to be a know-a-lot. I used to blush deeply when being called out for not knowing something which eventually pushed me to super-introversion. I still won’t talk much at some meetings where a variety of points of view are not appreciated. More practice with ignorance has removed the pressure of being a font of knowledge. It opens the space for someone else to give their viewpoint. When I acknowledge my own self-criticism and feel it enough to understand it, that releases me from its control.
Meetings held online provide a whole new scenario of issues. Those who don’t understand or care how they appear don’t even bother with adjusting their cameras so we don’t have to look up their noses every time their face hits the screen. They haven’t grasped the fact that they are showing up for a work meeting and just think because they aren’t in an office, they don’t have to bother to dress or bathe or look presentable. They act like it doesn’t matter how they present themselves. Too bad. It’s a lost chance to show you care. These meetings are a great place to watch the faces of leaders as they shift their eyes or blink rapidly and give us all a deep look into their real thoughts. It’s a shame it doesn’t stop the eye-rolling though; it gets captured in the rotation of faces like a carousel of special effects.
How does someone else’s bold behavior affect yours in meetings? Is it possible that this self-doubting person really needs to be heard so desperately that they can’t help but be obnoxious? What would you do to tame this bullying to help it qualify as a moment you can lift up?
