Healing Heartbreak
It has taken me a year to write this message. As a Transition Coach, I enjoy seeing my clients get results from rethinking how they manage their thoughts. Transitions occur regularly throughout life through what we consider big events like death, divorce, job loss, bankruptcies and illness. They also include promotions, adoptions, marriage and unexpected opportunities. These times are great for uncluttering life because you have a ready-made excuse to examine old routines. Cleaning up old thought provides space for the creation of new thought. Refocusing is allowed, even expected. When my husband died, I had to rethink a great deal of my life. It is an ongoing process because my life continues. The heartbreak transitions are not meant to be all bad. There is no need to mask chances to see light at the end of any tunnel. You don’t need to turn on darkness. It will be there automatically when light isn’t.
Daily Heartbreak
Sometimes life becomes a daily routine of little heartbreaks. The thoughts attached to just autopiloting through life show up in our attitudes, face and body. We don’t like to think about it because we miss our old sparkly self and then have to wonder where the heck they went. We blame ourselves, our partners, our family, society and anyone else who looks like they can take it. When this kind of ennui starts it is often just a whisper but left unattended it erodes our spirit like a surging river. It is difficult to swim against the tide and we tend to give in easily because we fear being completely swept away. Being out of control is scary. So, we choose the lesser of two evils. In coaching, identifying these moments helps to create the lifeline that clarifies what caused the surge. Getting to the muddy bottom of all the little heartbreaks is the actual solution to finding shallow enough water to look for a good handhold and breathe. Handholding is important, even when it requires handwashing and sanitizing to feel safe. Hands are warm and you can hold your own whenever you want.
Hearts can Mend
When I was a little girl, there was a doll hospital that was near the shoe store we went to before each semester to purchase our school shoes. The hospital was up a creepy set of stairs above the shoe store but once at the top I could see the shelves of body parts that the doll doctor used to mend the broken patients. I had to make a couple of trips up there over the years with my mom to get some help for the dolls that my older sisters handed down to me. I loved those dolls and was happy to see them whole again. In transitions, like the doll doctor, we choose the part that requires attention and go to work on mending it. This usually includes a lot of thought focus to define what the next path will look and feel like. Life gets mended, and the result feels like a whole new start. No creepy stairs required. In mending hearts, there are scars. Change after death of a loved one feels like an everyday enemy. There are reminders out of the blue. There are sad moments when feelings overtake whatever is currently going on. After some time, there may be an occasional glimmer of light. It is okay to look for light because the one you grieve for might want to see your heart mended enough to enjoy the memory of them more often. But there is no official timeline to feel whole again. We aren’t dolls.
Hearts can Love
We celebrate love once a year. That is tragic. We need to celebrate love all the time. We can practice adding love by being grateful every day. That is crazy easy to do. We can add romantic moments to life and romance deepens love. Making heart-shaped pancakes will make anyone smile. We can slow dance in the kitchen before meals. Put love in the air; just tell your speaker to play love songs. A gentle hug is often unexpected. We can offer to change the oil in a partner’s car. We can bring home French fries with extra cheese for no reason. Or we can whisper words of love to everyone we would like to hear return them. We can be humans who love. There are more ways to do so than we could ever dream of. But first you need to love yourself. Once you feel the power of your own abundance of acceptance love overflowing in your often mended heart, you will completely understand how important it is to give more away. If you have been trapped away with those you love for the last couple of years, you may be rusty. If you are tired of being isolated, you may need to put yourself out there first. We don’t want the great resignation to become the great breakup. Start with your heart. A little care goes a long way. You can love again. And again. And again.
Do you have any heartache that you are just holding onto? Romance takes action. Can you be romantic? Can you look for new ways to be loving every day of the year?
