Endless navel gazing has given me some clues about myself. When I hear myself speak the words, “It doesn’t matter,” I am not being truthful. I do care. About everything. But I am making an excuse for another reason.
Decision making is sometimes a group project. Whenever more than one person is affected by a choice, reluctance joins the group to avoid offense. You have probably had this conversation hundreds of times in your own life. “It doesn’t matter” follows requests for dining choices, movie selections, leaving times, assignments, etc. It is code for not wanting to make a decision, not wanting to offend and not wanting to be wrong. It’s a diabolical cover-up. If the choices were really equal enough to make a decision difficult, you would most likely start a discussion on whether one restaurant was preferred over another, the green jacket was better than the blue, or why one movie received a poor review. It wouldn’t be a toss up. If you feel as though your decision would be shot down, that gives the shooter the chance to give their opinion.
Decision making, on every level, burns brain cells. Your brain doesn’t care if you are selecting your new hair color or ice cream flavor. You have to make decision making count. Fatigue will set in. When decisions don’t matter, they take up room that can be better used. More than that, making decisions, even smaller ones, provides a better practice and increases the chances that “It doesn’t matter” won’t come out automatically as often. You can build that skill.
Can you be the decision maker in your group? Don’t be afraid to have your choice denied. If it really didn’t matter, any decision would be fine.
