Not Myself
Occasionally, I hear my ordinary self talk to me. Sometimes, I hear me say “I’m not myself.” They sound like true words spoken without pre-planning. This short explanation reveals quite a bit. But I have to take these words apart to figure out the why behind them.
What I really mean to say to myself
Since this group of words comes out without much thought, I must really mean it. Often, my truest thoughts just come bursting out. I have a feeling that this is the exact place I need to stop and think about why I am making this awkward remark. In reality, I am always myself. So why am I proclaiming that suddenly I am not?
Not my usual self
Most likely I am not physically or mentally acting like I usually do. Using this remark provides a reason to those around me that might be looking at me without understanding. It’s even more likely that I have done something “out of character” and those around me with wide-eyed expressions might need to know if I have lost more of my marbles than normal. I have been known to be blunt; not mean, just reasonably more truthful than most people are used to. I don’t see this as a character flaw since it is often a kindness to tell the truth instead of insisting on rediscovering more ways to tell white lies. Lies are way more colorful than white.
Really MySelf
I need to focus on trying to check the thoughts I am having right before I tell the world that the me they are looking at is not the best me they were hoping for. The feelings that are lurking behind my announcement are a red flag that my thoughts need some exploration before they are accepted as fully vetted. This cool warning system is meant to give me a heads up that I may be off course and need to check the map before strolling ahead with whatever I had in mind. In essence, my inner self is signaling me to slow down. Now that I know I have an alert system that is looking out for me, I feel more trusting.
Listening Internally
Focusing on self-trust will give me a better chance to understand more of what is going on when I don’t feel like myself. Being someone else is not in my plans; being an amazing me is much more fun. Let’s think about it. Can you listen to yourself and recognize when you are really trying to catch your own attention? What do you think when you hear someone else say this phrase now? Can you increase compassion for yourself and others?
