Pleasers always Smile
Some people feel compelled to help others. They start early on by helping family members by command, request or interest. It seems impressive to respond to the needs of others in a selfless manner. All this helping usually squashes individual need by taking up so much time that there is little left for the pleaser. This is eventually unsustainable. It may take a long time to be visible, but the rips occur mostly inside. The pleaser tends to think that pleasing more will repair the damage. It can be an endless well.
Unmet Pleaser
Once the pleaser has realized that the seemingly selfish acts have left them without attention, the wound shows up in other emotions. Humans don’t like to drop their smiles when they are doing for others. The motivation to continue pleasing acts like a band-aid but when the scab doesn’t heal, it’s because no one gave it enough attention. Pleasers never look like they need help. But it is often a disguise. It doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t help anyone, it just means that some of that energy needs to become self-pleasing. The good thing is that the pleasers are awfully good at pleasing. If they can just spill a little on themselves, they will be able to feel the goodness of what they are giving away.
Poor Pleaser
Since pleasers tend to be attracted to those who need help resolving internal issues, they get too caught up in the dilemma and get trapped in that scenario by habit. This is actually bad for the one who needs help. Fixing someone else’s concern does not allow them the opportunity to do it themselves, learn from the task and grow. The helper actually stops someone else’s progress. The rescuer can get so involved in this role that they experience burnout and begin to resent others. That’s when the pleaser realizes that they need help. Unfortunately, no one is trained to do so and those who need help can’t accept the sudden scarcity of assistance.
Self-Pleaser
The ultimate answer is to finally give up on the need to please everyone. It is super important to start watching those pleasers in life and let them off the hook. Let’s show them a new side of pleasing. When you see them running in to resolve a problem, let them know that you would like to try some self-care. They might have taught the lesson well. The pleasers only need to smile with the understanding that they have inspired progress. They might even start to do some inner alterations with the extra time. This would be the best method to heal the pleasers, those who loved being rescued and balance out our collective skills enough to reach out to areas where people pleasing hasn’t caught on yet.
Can you resist being needed? Who can you empower to please themselves? How much energy do you spend on yourself?
