Who decides on the Slap
Recently, there was a famous shocking slap shown live on TV. The moment was reviewed ad nauseum. The truth of that moment is that if anyone felt an interest in reacting to the comment, it should have been the one it was aimed at. Women are not without the ability to defend their own feelings. Women do not need big, strong men to defend them. If you recognize which partner had their thoughts under control, it would have been the woman. She did not need to resort to violence or painfully lash out. The insecure partner responded.
Did you just Slap me?
I have reported on the lack of recognition shown by my boss previously on this blog. He famously requested three weeks to answer my question after a past evaluation when I asked him to name one thing I did right. I am still waiting for an answer. He was actually schooling me in what he was able to provide. This year, my evaluation took a trendy turn. During my evaluation with a very nominal raise, my manager told me that it “was a slap” to my face. Yes, those actual words were used. When did the threat of violence become a part of the evaluation process? Sadly, I was not in shock, just ashamed of my company. I work for one of these companies that has great sayings like “do the right things right” and “we celebrate our successes.” I did not respond because that kind of negativity was probably projected feelings on his part. But off the hook brutal comments cannot justify the use of poor communication on an inadequate increase. My manager told me that he “tried” to get me more money (yes, another repeat sermon) because he thought I deserved more but apparently those who make the real decisions about my pay sent him to do the evil bidding. It is so easy to hide and blame others instead of taking responsibility. Don’t tell anyone, but I wasn’t expecting them to be more generous. I learned my lesson previously not to take offense to every insult hurled my way.
Slapping is Immature
I love what I do in my career. I get to coach and interact every day with intelligent agents who come to work on time, engage in difficult conversations, extend help to everyone they talk to and make a noticeable change in the world. I was lucky enough to have shared with each of them their own raises this week, very generous in some cases. They deserved every penny and more. Their conversations included their grateful expressions to the news. There were no threats of slaps or needless words describing their increases negatively. My team makes my work life valuable. I am the only certified employee in my position with over a decade of experience and I was always rated at the highest-level possible until I got cancer. Medical issues often scare people, and during my earlier treatment when I lost some hair, my manager suggested that I turn off my camera for meetings. But I haven’t missed any unplanned time, haven’t turned off the camera once and my hair has grown back. Too bad people can’t grow like that. But don’t fret over me. The pay from this job covers my lifestyle, the bills from my ongoing cancer treatment and cat food. I have many reasons to work for this company outside of the areas in which there are huge flaws. Some are even people related.
Self-accepted Slap
I know that my evaluations will not change now that I have developed more physical vulnerability and the hidden folks behind this “slap” who control my manager don’t have anything to worry about. There will be no repercussions for those who make or support hurtful communication or apologies to me from HR for having to hear such ludicrous statements of violence toward a woman. I work remotely and I am safe in my own home. But that doesn’t mean that any of this should be comfortable. The truth is that this kind of thing happens more often than is reported. Yearly conversations meant to honor employees are bungled and cause deeper wounds in the belief that companies can live up to their high values. It is true that having values helps to encourages employees to improve their thoughts. But only when you have actual thinking employees. In truth, I was slapped. If it was meant to trigger me, congratulations, it gave my ego something to digest. But I heal quickly because I am able to choose my thoughts. It makes me wish companies could do the same.
Can managers show enough strength to choose to go against the trend? How do managers show their own values? Why is violence the first choice for many males?
