My eyes are watering.
Tears of a Clown
This is a subject that most leaders don’t like to talk about. Even worse, it is attributed to females more than males although most females just don’t hide theirs as well. At some point in life, many employees cry at work. It could be based on a physical injury or an emotional injury. They both hurt enough to create the physical result that we call crying. Most humans produce about 25 gallons of tears a year and the majority of them are not due to sad movies. If you have ever felt tears when smoke got in your eyes, you are normal. And tears are the method your eye uses in response to irritants or just the usual blinking while you are awake. Tears have multiple layers and resemble other fluids the body produces. Hormone issues and contacts can dry eyes and the body doesn’t make as many tears as we age.
Healing Tears
One of the questionable things we do for children is to try to get them to stop crying once they start. Adult humans don’t like to see kids suffer. But the tears can be a great emotional release for a toddler and the surest mechanism used by babies to get attention. Non-crying babies aren’t showing any need for urgent attention and the interactions with them are seen as gentler and more fun but might mean something else. Once a child calms down enough to receive the necessary attention, they have learned to trust the waterworks and default to crying as the way to get to their goal. But sometimes even a kid needs to cry and be unhappy. Our focus shouldn’t be just on stopping the tears. It should be on joining them in acknowledging their struggle.
Uncomfortable Tears
Crying at work has been misunderstood and mishandled in the past. It was seen as a weakness. But crying due to an emotional issue makes others uncomfortable because they recognize something deep inside and forget that everyone has a nine-year-old lurking in them. Scientists believe that emotional tears have specific proteins in them and the spillover from the eyes should not be belittled. These social tears are a response to upsetting information. The more correct human response would be to feel compassion. Even if the news being communicated is difficult, it is better to remain human and grab some tissues. This same activity with a toddler would eventually allow the recipient of the bad news to get their hurt feelings under better control. That racing to the nearest ladies’ room would be a thing of the past.
More Tears
Lonely tears are rarely seen. But it is alright to ask someone about how they feel if they spend the bulk of their time alone. Tears can well up in celebration and the joy at winning sporting events make them flow like Gatorade. These are considered happy tears and are perfectly acceptable. I know that on some sensitive days, I can start crying at Hallmark commercials. Puppy videos, returning military personnel at airports and those coming home via the back of a jet all have the same effect. These are human connection tears and should never be avoided. I admit that I have cried tears of joy and sorrow at work. Only those who have poor emotional intelligence abilities have looked away. I tend to think that they got the message their toddler tears were not acceptable. Turning away might keep them from giving in to those first few tears that form. That’s just a theory but I won’t cry any tears over them. Next time, maybe they will reach out when they see a colleague crying and join them.
When was the last time you cried at work? Have you ever made anyone cry? How do you feel when you see a toddler cry?
