Swear to tell the truth
Only the Truth
Since this month we are focusing on reviewing the habits with the most importance, we need to truthfully admit what those are. Of course, this is subjective but there is a general sameness to what is really important to humans. Speaking the truth is highly regarded as a value and lowly used in real life. Humans tend to want to please others, so the truth gets bent and there is also a reluctance to tell ourselves the real story. It is easy to see why fiction writing is so popular. We are great at making up stories. On top of that, we like stories. A great tale that provides an outstanding visual in our brains gets two thumbs up for entertainment over a rendition of the facts. Courtroom dramas are great for wicked good scenarios.
Impulse Truthing
Spewing out whatever comes to mind does not lend itself to speaking with a gameplan or goal. When there is a poignant pause prior to speaking, the words are dressed in purpose. The more consciously we share our words, the more likely they are to be true to a credible source. But this is not our conversational habit. Purposeful statements take others into account. They are just the result of a less emotional implosion. Plugging in to what you really want to convey will always mean more than spouting off nonsense. Real communication engages with others. If our purpose includes wanting to serve others, hang onto that pause for an extra beat and make more impact. Quick words are usually better at being opinions. But humans like to get the first claim, increase presence and let others know that we are in the know. Waiting to speak is tainted by an association with the lack of quick-wittedness.
Speed beats creed
Technology has sped up our ability to provide answers. This is good when you are trying to determine what kind of rattlesnake is underneath you. But it brushes past creating connections. It also builds pressure and rewards impulse. I am all for speed at times. But it is not the best use of our energy. It can also stymie the interest of another human to even try to speak. There is no use in trying to beat a word wizard. They will always appear less generous by jumping to a conclusion or answer. They are the first to be right. Sooner or later, this power gets ignored because everyone doesn’t get a turn. No one wants to feel like a loser. Unkind words spoken in haste are especially painful, can’t be taken back and end up in the regret pile.
This week’s goal:
Take your words personally. Respect not only the giving of words but also the receiving of words for how it benefits humans. If shared words create connection, be the glue. Instead of blurting, wait the necessary number of beats to be respectfully heard. Others will listen when your gems are worth something. This will remove the need to interrupt as well as build a conversation. Life isn’t a game show. Lean into the habits learned in kindergarten. Listen twice as much as talking. This is a lifelong practice. Getting good at the journey of pausing and observing prior to yakking will save face occasionally. The transformation path is decorated with the improved habits that can be used every day. In addition, waiting allows the judgement skill to build. Having a clear idea of when to use intuition or discernment comes through actual practice not theory. Tamping down our egos comes into play in every facet of life with humans. When you can get so many benefits from just stopping for a hot minute, it gradually becomes crystal clear why fast-talkers slam into brick walls. Don’t hurt yourself. Take it slowly. Speak wisely.
Lifework: Practice speaking slowly to yourself out loud so that you can concentrate on what your new voice sounds like.
