Understanding may be impossible
People like to throw around the thought that they understand. It seems as though it would be an nice message to proclaim that you know what someone else is going through. It can signify a closeness. Feeling someone else’s pain can be conveyed by proclaiming the fact that you know how they feel.
Understanding isn’t the point
When someone shares information with another someone, they do so to help elevate shared knowledge. A proper response would include appreciation. But the intent of the giver of the knowledge might have a secret agenda. They might want to be considered as superior or use the sharing opportunity to gain an advantage. Understanding is being used as a vehicle to demonstrate hierarchy.
No need to force expectations
Some managers of information require others to display how their “help” has provided clarity to a subject. They want credit for knowledge. They put you in your place to elevate themselves. This is also a practice that adults use to help young people grasp how much they really don’t know yet. It isn’t fun to not only look physically up to adults but having to listen to their wealth of knowledge can turn off young ears.
Need to know basis
My understanding is my business; yours belongs to you. I like when others share details with me that I don’t already know because it feeds my inner Enneagram investigator. But don’t demand that I understand you. It probably won’t happen because I don’t have access to your thoughts. I am thankful for that since I have my own to contemplate. At least I won’t pretend that I have secret access to what is happening to you. That gives you ample opportunity to share endlessly with me to help me hear your thoughts. That’s my understanding.
Do you demand that others understand you? Do you profess to understand others to share their life events or demonstrate your own knowledge? How can you share with empathy?
