What is a Want
Holidays and birthdays often bring up some anxious feelings when it is necessary to buy a present. We love giving gifts and seeing the delight on the recipient’s face. Especially if we really like the person or really like the choice of gift. Giving can provide a benefit in reverse that activates the emotions in us that make us feel like good humans. When we are able to conjure up the perfect gift for a person we love, it feels like we have reinforced the message that we are trying to convey. Sometimes, material things can mean love when you think that they will be appreciated. Mom was right all along. It’s the thought that counts. She used to display that thought every Christmas when my dad would give her a new pair of slippers stuffed with cash. She struggled with foot pain and liked the security of having money to spend. Unconventional, yes; correct choice, yes.
I Want it Now
Identifying what we want at any given moment in life changes quickly. There are times when it is easy to discern. Reliably, we all want to eat and sleep and have fun and relieve boredom. We have distractions at our fingertips; that is a huge change to our modern life. The increased speed of our access to a quick distraction may have diminished our ability to figure out our needs. When there is something close by that quickly scratches that itch, we don’t have to think too hard. The more often we use our distractions, the less likely we wonder if it was really what we wanted. We just like the relief.
What I Really Want
This takes thought. Thought takes time. Time is scarce. Scarcity feels yucky. But what if taking time could be a gift you give yourself? Or even give to someone else? If it was possible to listen to someone else freestyle about their thoughts on what they really wanted, that would probably prompt a few of yours to crop up. Your generosity could actually give back to you. That’s probably how giving is supposed to work anyway. The real secret is that very few of us really know what we want all of the time. And the big picture stuff like careers and family decisions and relationships are rarely clearcut.
Want what you Choose
The best decision is the one you choose. Get on with it. But when you take that next step, decide that it is the best one and stick to it. At least give it a chance. Lean into it and see if your gamble resulted in a win. Most likely, whatever you choose will work. It wouldn’t have even been in the running if it didn’t have some merit. The best part is that you will obtain some data on your decision, and it will inform all of your next choices. Just the act of going through the process can positively affect your future self. You can give yourself the gift of self-decision making. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Practice deciding what you want for breakfast every day for week and decide if you chose correctly. Can you sit with someone and ask to hear their brainstorming about their wants? What do you really want right now?
