Who Me?
Life seems to be a long quest in a journey to find out who I really want to be. I hear that nagging question in my brain sometimes just repeating itself as if I am supposed to know the answer. I understand why my brain wants to know; it would make things easier for it and that is all my super-efficient/super-lazy brain wants. When my brain doesn’t have to do too much heavy lifting, it is preserving energy for all of the other critical functions of running a body. The brain hates wasting time with silly games like deciding who the heck I am. Apparently, I have staggered through life this far without giving the definitive answer to that question, so it probably isn’t that important. It does kinda make me wonder why that particular question keeps coming back though.
Who wants what
There are many chapters in life. You have that weird-kid early time. That teenage time that is meant to build up your resentment for everyone older than you. The twenties are just a crapshoot of trying on different clothes, meeting the wrong people and wondering how long you will have to stay in the job you just started because it is not what you thought it was. The following years are blurry because time speeds up and stuff happens so rapidly that you don’t have time to think. All along those roads you were trying to conjure up who you wanted to be. The absolutely most terrifying thought is that all that time you were being who you were. You just didn’t recognize yourself because our thoughts on the inside of us are so opposite of what we demonstrate on the outside. It is difficult to be yourself and be who you want to be. It shouldn’t be this way. Something is wrong with this equation.
Math Me
Maybe it is just the math. My ability to be me wasn’t coming out with the correct answer because I was solving the problem incorrectly. I kept on adding and subtracting, did a little multiplying if something felt right and completely forgot how to divide. The problems became compound, and I lost the necessary x’s and y’s that would have made sense. The more complicated everything became, the less sure I was of finding out how to solve who I was. Some days, I was just who someone wanted me to be, but that is difficult to keep up for the long term. Sometimes I demonstrated a little bit of who I really wanted to be, and I wasn’t recognizable. The more complicated I became, the less likely it was that I would know the real answer. But life is counter intuitive. I just needed to stop trying so hard to solve it.
Equals Who
The math symbol missing in my search was the equal’s sign. It is such a simple sign. Just two lines floating with each other. The real answer to my quest for who I wanted to be was pretty easy. It was just equal to who I really was. Once the remnants of all those problems were erased, who I wanted to be was a snap to start accepting as presentable enough for my life. Who I want to be in life is guided by my intention and every day I start out my morning deciding how I want to look back at my experience when I go to sleep. Spending the day guided by that simple intention helps me to see it all around me and accept that everything that is happening is exactly what is supposed to occur. My intention answers all those annoying problems created by wondering if I am doing it right. All things being equal, life is very balanced.
Do you live equal to who you really are? What would you like to add or subtract from life to simplify it? Do you know who you really want to be?
