Yes, arguing again
At times, I push back against reality. I hide it by doing it quietly, but it slips out because my filter likes to hear me speak my truth. It may be a small fight, a tiny tug of war. This happens because I like to be in control. My magical thinking believes that I can undo and rewrite life events. Eventually I get exhausted by my own actions. When my energy gets built back up, I replay my own conversations. I do sound smarter the second time. I am firmly rooted between what really happened and what I now wish would have occurred. A garden of thoughts that looks like a median waiting to be mowed. If I calm down enough to rest my thoughts, my power returns with a little clarity. Resistance is truly futile at times. Acceptance isn’t always giving up. Sometimes I get the chance at that point to discover a contrarian belief and feel even smarter. Reality is really smarter some days. It just takes me on a hunt to find it.
You are Extraordinary!
Week 35: Zombies must have tasty brains
At heart, I am a pacifist. I shy away from confrontation. But I am willing and able to argue with myself if I feel that I should have represented myself with more clarity. A great do over demonstrates that I still have the capacity to win over someone else. Right after I win over me. It’s a bunch of work that never goes anywhere. A mental exercise at best. I don’t want to take it to my pillow thoughts at night because it expands in the dark. I typically give myself a few minutes to work out something clever I should have done or said and release it to the wild. That way I have done what my heart wanted to do by way of my mouth and recognize that control is very flexible when you allow it more oxygen.
